The Everything You Need to Know about Domesticating the Land Shark Handbook

Mutanious Bullshittiness Lando Sharkness other wise known as the Mutant Land Shark or the following commonly used name the Pit Bull.

According to BSL scientists and non- genetic experts, the Land Shark is a man made purpose bred killing machine. Land Shark breeders have expertly crosses Great Whites with partial T-Rex DNA and infused this unholy combo with the terrier breed.

This back yard genetically engineered purporse bred BEAST have one purpose and one purpose only:

To stalk and hunt you down while endangering lives driving Ford Pintos illegally & underinsured.

 Are you one of the nutters attempting to domesticate and bring these toxic gas passing creatures into your homes? To lurk around your children? Share treats with grandma? If so, by law I’m required to inform you that you have a 829% chance of survival. 

Now, I know the odds are stalked against you but after minutes of scouring archives I have come up with some vital life saving information.



Massive steel cages with a one way entrance to keep the crafty land shark from picking the lock and escaping. Be careful though- land sharks are known to fly, poof into thin air, pick locks, open doors and shrink to tiny ant sizes to escape. 

Feeding the Beast  
Land Sharks can be picky eaters, but according to land shark experts they tend to pass over the tasty human flesh for cat poop, rocks and sticks.

Weapons of Distraction:


Chose wisely. Depending on the size of approaching Land Shark, the correct treat size is essential.

French fries- a classic yet effective WOD, these golden life savers can be tossed from a distance giving you the opportunity to lick the salt off your fingers as you run.

Just squeeze and throw, repeat if necessary- which usually is.

If you leave the house unarmed- just try to remember these three tips:

Stay safe & stay prepared and don’t be caught with your pants down.


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